Oh. My. God. Becky. Look at my account balance.

What year is it? I have lost all sense of time. The holidays creep up, you have a bajillion events then blam! They’re finished, and so are all of your funds. So you have to start from scratch and remember what budgeting is all over again! It’s time to head to the dollar store for all of your food and scour the beer aisle for the best deal.

• How cheap is cheap? Less than $4.50 for a tall boy (not a pack).
• What if I can’t find anything less than $5! That’s fine just try to keep to the spirit of the theme.
• What if I find an expensive beer that’s on sale for less than $4.50? Well that’s just good luck! You should buy several
• The only beers I ever see for less than $4.50 are macros. Then bring one! We might as well see what everyone else is drinking.

This beerstitution is brought to you by the Cardigans:

(who are neither the Cranberries or the Cardinals)

“Rock me mama like a wagonwheel” – Dave

“My fucking brassaversary” – Phil

The Contenders

 

• Guillaume: Vycepni Pilz (Ma brasserie)
• Anna: Nano IPA (Oshlag)
• Nick: Wag the Dog (Beau’s)
• Jones: Bud Light Seltzer (Bud Light)
• Dave: Escarmouche (Côte-du-Sud)
• Corey: NEIPA (Archibald)
• Phil: Ta meilleure (Lagabiere)
• Val: Hazelnut Brown Ale (Vox Populi)
• Kristen: Stout Blanc (Oshlag)

Guillaume: Pilz – Vycepni (Ma brasserie)

• Price: $4.50
• Style: Pilsner
• ABV: 4.0%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.009

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
3	3	2	3	3	3	3	2.5	2.5	2.78

“Just woke up smoking and drinking while she makes breakfast.” – Untappd

“Pil-zed? No, it’s Czech. The zed is silent. It’s just a pil.” Jones.

Anna: Nano IPA (Oshlag)

• Price: $4.00 from Veux-tu une bière?
• Style: Nano IPA
• ABV: 2.0%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.005

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
3	2.5	1.5	2.5	3	1.5	2	2	2	2.22

“Beer fucking ye” – Anna

“That’s a lot of flavour! … Then it ends.” – Kristen

“That’s my disappointment” – Val

“This nano IPA is more like Nah. No.” – Jones

Nick: Wag the Wolf (Beau’s)

• Price: $4.00 from Veux-tu une bière?
• Style: White IPA
• ABV: 5.0%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.011

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
4	4	3.5	4	4.5	3	4	3	3.5	3.72

“Don’t let me influence you but oh god it’s good” – Corey

“It’s funny to have this after the nano IPA. The taste keeps going” – Nick

Dave: Escarmouche (Côte-du-Sud)

• Price: $4.49
• Style: Session New England IPA
• ABV: 4.0%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.009

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
3.5	4	3.5	3.5	3.5	2.5	4	4	4.5	3.67

“Thanks mom. This is for you.” – Dave

“This smells like farts out of a fruity bum” – Corey

Corey: NEIPA (Archibald)

• Price: $3.25
• Style: NEIPA
• ABV: 6.0%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.018

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
2.5	2.5	3	3.5	2.5	3.5	3.5	3.5	3.5	3.11

“I’m not enjoying this.” – Anna

“The haaaaaze” – Jones

“A bit more jowly” – Dave

“Would you say it’s a hazy, crazy, lazy IPA that goes with something maize-y?” – Nick

“Gotta get daisy in there somewhere. Who’s favourite artist is Jay-z. Bro, don’t taze me.” – Jones, the copy editor

“just listen to what I say-z” – Corey

Phil: Ta meilleure (Lagabiere)

• Price: $4.19 from IGA
• Style: Northeast IPA
• ABV: 7%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.017

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
4	3.5	3	4	1.5	3	4	3.5	3.5	3.33

“Phil-er-up” – Jones

“What do you think, this is fucking March? I’m fucking broke man!” – Corey

“I like this beer!” – Corey

Jones: Assemblage 02 (Glutenberg)

• Price: $4 from Veux-tu une bière?
• Style: Buckwheat beer, wild aged
• ABV: 4.6%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.012

“Quinoa? Quinoa! Amaranth? That is a very old grain” – Jones

“Ass! Ass POUND” – Jones, reading the production code

“Ass POUND Number 1!” – Nick

“Smells good. Smells like a gym bag!” – Jones

“Someone put juicy fruit in a jock strap. No, Jolly Ranchers.” – Corey

“That is an amazing beer” – Dave

Val: Hazelnut Brown Ale (Vox Populi)

• Price: $4 from Veux-tu une bière
• Style: Nut Brown
• ABV: 5.6%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.014

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
3.5	4	3.5	4	2.5	4	3.5	3	2	3.33

“ESCARMOUCHE!!!” – Dave

“So how much is a smallboy?” – Dave

“It’s like hazel’s nuts. This is guuuuuuud.” – Corey

“I love me a nut brown. This is my happy place.” – Kristen

“I’m never gonna buy it but I like it.” – Jones

 

Kristen: Stout Blanc (Oshlag)

• Price: $4.00 from Veux-tu une bière?
• Style: White stout
• ABV: 5.6%
• Alcohol %/$: 0.014

Anna	Guillaume	Val	Corey	Nick	Kristen	Jones	Dave	Phil	Average
0	2	0.5	4	3.5	3	1.5	2	2	2.06

“How did I rate that 3? It tastes like a 1.” – Val

“It smells so tin-y. Like metal!” – Anna

“Like blood?” – Jones

“It tastes like Werther’s Originals have been melted into club soda” – Jones-

“Wagon wheel beer.”  – Jones

Dollar Store Snacks & Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

“omigod it smells like farts” – Kristen

“The next couple bites are going to be amazing” – Nick

“The corn farts are amazing” – Val

“It smells like sleeping bag farts” – Dave

“Corn twists is slang for farts” – Jones

“It’s vaguely farty. Not offensively farty” – Nick

“The texture could be better on the farts” – Anna

Recap

• Overall Winner: Assemblage No. 02. Thanks for pointing us to the clearance beer Louis!
• Best Label: Wag the Wolf
• Favourite: Assemblage No. 02
• Surprise(?!?!?): Escaramouche session NEIPA
• Session: Escaramouche session NEIPA

 

Blind Taste

• • Won in 1: Corey, Phil, Val
  • Won in 2: Kristen, Guillaume
  • Lost: Jones, Dave, Anna
  • N/A: Nick

“This looks like something out of Pan’s Labryinth” – Jones

“I hope you like urine” – Corey

(Also, I’m gonna give myself a 🏆 for being the fastest posting)